From the depths of the sea, back to blighty: drawn to a close.

All good things must come to an end. It's a quote I just made up, and I think it to be true. I had to come home some time, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be back in England, but it does highlight many reasons why one would go travelling in the first place.

But let's talk about Utila first.

As I'd made a bit of a runner the first time I 'left' Utila, I decided I'd make an appearance at Coco Loco and Tranquila one last time before one more leaving the island. But that wasn't before a day's diving with Errol, one of our boat captains who decided to dive for the day, along with Lizzy, Steve, Christina and Jo. And it was top fun.

We mostly made fools of ourselves underwater, getting severely 'narked', taking off various pieces of equipment underwater, and taking pictures with Mark's generously donated camera.

Sadly, it was again time to leave Utila, so after a quick Kobs ice cream on the way out, it was bye bye island, bye bye Honduras (after a gargantuan 10 hour wait in San Pedro Sula airport, seeing me share the whole place with just the security guard) hi and bye America (who cares) and then hello... Manchester! The folks picked me up and whisked me back to familiarity.

The thing about coming back to exactly where you started twelve months on is that it feels like nothing has changed and you could quite easily have been milling about in your house for the last year. Of course this is impossible for me to accept because I have had the most wonderful experiences since September 2004, made unforgettable by places, and most importantly people.

From Petra in Italy with her fantastic cooking, hostessing and friends, to Carsten, Steve and Andi making for top times in Thailand. Marc and his family for generously letting me stay with them for two months in Australia, and meeting a top English crew in New Zealand consisting of Liam, Georgina, Gareth and Lisa. And let's not forget the amazing staff at Auckland Central Backpackers - namely lovely Michelle - and the best group of girls I've ever travelled with: Kelly, Fredi, Dee and Kristin. Adam and Henry made for cheeky times in Chile and Argentina, the Bath lads kept it going in Brazil, and Beth & Ben helped me chill out in Peru. The crazy Canadian housemates, Matt and Ryan, shared some pretty hilarious times in Utila with me, as we mixed with Chris, Alfred and the rest of the Underwater Vision Staff. But finally, and perhaps the most cherished by myself, all the friends I made in the students and staff at Utila Dive Centre: Fearghas, Ryan, Daniel, Steve, Mark, Sam, Ruthie, Jo, Simon, Bob, G, Jules, Dan, Nir - and of course Lizzy. You, and others, but yep mainly you lot, made my last year a truly memorable and unforgettable one - so thanks a shitload.

What now? Well, I've got two more weeks to relax in my lovely home city of Chester before I move down south to what is apparently another lovely city called Bath. It's all admin work at the minute but once I'm all sorted I know I'll be raring to go.

Since this blog was a 'travelling diary' which has seen me go through the 12 months, it is now officially finished. But I can see myself keeping a supplementary blog for life at Uni and at Bath, so keep checking your email accounts - no doubt I'll let you know what I'm doing.

For those of you who visited, or who feature - thanks again. I made this for you lot and I'm glad you're reading it and looking at it now. And with that, I close. All the very best, and keep in touch.

Joe Zakzouk

* jzakzouk@gmail.com * * +44 7876 595460 *

Liz looks at her watch in - and I can't stress enough - t o t a l d i s b e l i e f as she realises she's spend far too long at depth and has to perform a decompression dive. She really made a meal out of that one, didn't you darling? Naturally, I found it to be comedy.

PADI: put this picture on your promotional material and your sales will increase exponentially. As will your totally super amazing coolness factor.

According to HSBC, the international symbol for 'OK' (see picture) is considered offensive in no South American countries except Brazil. Good job he's not there, or he might be getting violated.

Jo takes a well deserved rest... in the coral.

Jo rides her BCD underwater.. with her reg out of her mouth... totally detached. That's actually pretty hardcore. Do the seahorse, girls.

Errol tells me what he thinks when I ask them to get a move on..

Why is it that staff are the last to get off the boat? They're always pratting about, as I wait impatiently for them in the water. COME ON YOU THREE!

Loe and Jiz. Ha.

Jo loved the dive, Liz doesn't look so sure. And Colorado in the background, well, he looks pretty stoked with his cup of water and beret.

End of the dive and we return to the boat - good job we found it. I always lose my way.

..and as we swam, Jo developed gills.

S C U B A S T E V E @ W O R K.

Don't take your regulator out of your mouth underwater, please. It's dangerous.

Errol and Liz: get your fins out!

Jo descends into an effervescent body of water. Not farts, mind.

Errol experiences nitrogen narcosis at 40 metres below the surface. 40 metres, ahem.

Jimmy, head DM at UDC, poses for the camera professionally while all the other staff go and act like idiots. No peer pressure for this big man.

I know what that underwater monstrosity is, it's an Irish-Steve-Fish

Oooh there's another one I don't know the name of..

Pretty fishes! I think they're black durgons, but knowing my total ineptitude at naming marine life, I'm probably wrong.

Another day another dive... students get ready to go down - even though one idiot is signalling up..

My last Utilian days... supposedly

We'll get on to the 'supposedly' part in a bit. Let's do a brief rundown of events after snorkel test recovery.

The diving here as I've mentioned has been great, but what we've been missing are dives with fellow staff to have a laugh. So we decided to have one at the Haliburton wreck - at night. It was top fun, not being able to see much in midwater and then perusing around the sunken ship for a bit. Oh and Fearghas showed us his arse down there - more than one full moon that night, let me tell you.

I've also been diving on the resort boat, which goes out in the morning to all the cooler dive sites in Utila. So a few dives to lead - and lose my way in - around the north side have been stunning. If you ever decide to come here, go to Black Hills, it's my favourite dive site bar none.

Simon and Chris were running an Open Water that I got to assist on as an AI, and I made money! It was the usual sitting around and keeping a hawk's eye on the diving peons, but the last dive saw me have my air turned off by an instructor, and then tied to a buoy chain and be laughed at by the whole class.

Since Fearghas, Ryan and myself were all leaving around the same time, I thought we'd have a bit of a barbecue at UDC. Stars Errol and Travis picked up the food, got it all cut up and marinated, and cooked it. Pretty much the whole lot: fifteen chickens and ten pounds of fish. It was a big one, and about fifty people turned up - although some impatient ones complained about the food taking too long to cook. Wait until the barbecue master is good and ready I say.

So it was time to say bye to a few people, Ferg and Ryan both having good sendoffs. I myself had a top goodbye: two amazing dives with the lovely Liz in the morning, followed by a quite spectacular r o a s t d i n n n e r (mmmm..) cooked by Sam and Ruth. It would surely only follow that I was to leave the next day...

..and I did. And all was well with the 'close shave' timing getting from Utila to San Pedro Sula, but my flight to Miami was cancelled.... and I couldn't get on a flight to The States for six days. "Six days?" I said - "you've got to be f***ing kidding." I've never heard of something so ridiculous. And I stand firmly by my belief that American Airlines could be the shittest airline in the world, with the globe's worst customer service. so AA: get rammed.

It's not all bad I suppose. I'm in La Ceiba airport at the moment wating for my flight to.. yep, Utila. So I'm back there and not due back home for another week, having to forfeit my time in New York, but I'm about ready to head home, so it'll be just great to spend my last days in a place I've grown to like so much.

Oh yea and I've shaved my head. No more mohawk.

Ruthie!

Dan, our videographer, after getting in a bit of a fight. Doesn't look like he came off too bad after taking one on the chin. Resillience.

Yamil can never make a normal face, and Roy sports Helen's sunglasses.

Nir made a muscle top out of his staff t-shirt - everyone else's are relatively look, but not this big man's.

Look at him pimping the girls out..

A great t-shirt, custom made - one of Utila's "three lies" - because people always come back or just don't leave (like me..)

A boat captain and two compressor operators - the welfare of our divers are in these three guys' hands..

Errol fires it up, and uses a compressed air tank to get the fire going - classic.

That is my hand holding my tips for the night. Looks like I'm rich but the Lempira is worth bugger all.

Freg's obviously come up with another cool idea! And Daniel looks to be agreeing with him..

UDC crew stop for a bit of a pose - Liz looking spicy of course. And Ferg looking, well, Fergy.

Errol had had way too many Port Royals at Chris' birthday - cool tattoo though.

Sam really loves his salvas.

The boys Errol and Tungi chill out before the big bbq.

Helen and Sylvia, just a couple of the hot girl contingent in Utila.

The place I did a lot of dives and spent a lot of money with - UDC reception.

Simon l o v e s the equipment room - I'll have a small BCD, four regs, 9-11 fins... cheers mate.

I was lovin' the night dive, but Concha (bottom left) looks a bit bored..

The 'full moon' culprit undoes his regulator. Nice arse mate.

Dance, Sam. Do it.

Daniel is the only guy I know who puts his kit on when the tank is on the floor - silly Israelis.

John checks his weights in the equipment room. Where are the full tanks?

The Snorkel Test

So as I noted in my last post, I'm now a PADI Assistant Instructor. Scuba Steve is now an AI also, and Fearghas & Ryan finished their DM courses as well (well, nearly) - so we decided to have a 'snorkel test' - where people posion you with whatever they can and throw it down the snorkel. The object of the whole thing is to drink all of it through the snorkel mouthpiece and have your mask on. It's a great laugh and it was a fantastic night, with pictures (naturally) to boot - take a look!

Even though these shots are so easy to take, they always come out stunning. This is a shot of Utila bay from Underwater Vision's dock. Spicy silhouettes.

Did you steal my flip-flops, bitch?

Bangin' tunes at Cocos and glowsticks made for a top evening and cool swirly effects. 16th August 2005 will be remembered for a long time by a few of us!

Look! Helen's stealing money from the bar! I reckon Nir is in on it as well - he looks interested. Oh and there's Ryan and the ladies (surprise surprise.)

Jess Davis and Chris Brady try and enjoy a quiet chat in some alcove until an overexcited Joe comes and orders them to smile at my camera. Thanks you two.

Woohoo it's Robert Drew! The instigator and dividend collector of the snorkel test - we salute you for your assertiveness, forward thinking, supervising of the poisons, and for being an arsehole.

Simon! Never without his D-9 dive computer (actually NOT in the picture) or his elephant taped lighter - great idea for those smelly smokers.

The Boys: Post-Snorkel and still going. Fearghas looks particularly chirpy there..

We had one hell of a crowd at UDC for our snorkel test, it was great. Everyone watched us four make absolute fools out of ourselves - great toilet entertainment for the masses. (Come and dive at UDC)

s c u b a s t e v e ! DO IT.

Ryan, you ready for it big man?

Ferg dons the mask but refuses to remove his rather sexy glasses. Bobmaster initiates the snorkel flood. He'll soon be imbibing a lot..

Is that all you've got? More coke! More water! Ahem.

What do you reckon, girls? Maybe I should do some more bikini modelling.

Ah, the snorkel boys - give it up for the new DMs and AIs

Maybe she's thirsty?

...and Shylo takes offence: 'blown out' of all proportion. Get it?

Uh-oh, the 'special guest' for the snorkel test is here...

Helen poses at the UDC bar. Another bling bling Mosquito on her wrist.

Liz has a small problem with the frothy fizz. Simon thought he could use his instructing skills to maximum effect: "Put it in your mouth!" he shouts.

The evening starts off conservatively...

who's your PADI daddy?

It's been emotional UDC, and it's been expensive PADI, but last week I finished my Divemaster course, yay! AND... today I was certified as an Assitant Instructor - woohoo! Tonight we're off to the Jungle Cafe to celebate. I've only got one more thing to do before I 'unofficially' graduate: the infamous Snorkel Test. I'll tell you all about once it's done.

I've been thinking about what I'll do with this whole diving business, and I've come up with something. I'd love to work in Egypt, perhaps somewhere like Sharm el Sheik, Dahab or Hurghada. It would give me time to practice my failing Arabic skills and to spend some real time in a place I could call home. We'll see how things go over the next year, but for now, three cheers for completing my DM and AI please.

OWSI? MSDT? IDC SI? Insha'allah.

the mohawk takes shape and the days get interesting

the mohawk takes shape and the days get interesting


So the last two or three weeks have been eventful. Let's start from the beginning.

Every year Utila hold two main events: Carnaval - at the end of July - and Sunjam, falling this year on my brother's birthday. Carnaval started off by crowning some tasty ladies, notably Miss Utila and Miss Honduras 2005. It's fair to say they're tastier than Mamita's baleadas. We also had a top showing and performance from the local heart throbs, the Utila Thrillas. "Thrillas 'till I die, mother trucker." People thought they were so good, the UT did the same tune three times to endless elation and rapture from the captiated Utilians - it was priceless.

Speaking of locals, there are a couple of rare breeds. One to note is Alfred, an instructor at Underwater Vision who has a never feigning passion for Wrestling. I popped over with the Canadiens Matt and Ryan for a spot of gumbo soup and a proper WWF or WWE or whatever extravaganza played through ridiculous ear-bleeding speakers. Alfred was on top of his game absolutely loving it and I was sat back in awe of his enthusiasm and his ability to predict when someone was properly going to lay the smackdown on some poor sucker.

Towards the end of the month, well, Utila were 'blessed' with Claire and Alison - I was blessed with sorting the two buggers out with accommodation a week before Sunjam. Only kidding girls! Alison, initially unsure of this whole scuba diving malarky, eventually got her head down and never looked like she was gasping for air - so to speak. I was so proud of her, swimming like a pro towards the end of her Open Water course. As for Claire, well, predictably she took it all in her feminine stride and proceeded to clean out the Advanced OW with panache and finesse. Well done to both of you!

Of course the girls rewarded themselves almost nightly by chilling out with Johawk (Joe + mohawk = Johawk) and eating phenomenal food at RJ's. It was time for them to leave after Sunjam, but not after a little 'drama' if I recall correctly? Naturally that means my missing the boat to the party.

Yes, there was no showboating, or any kind of boating, for me on the 6th August. After testing my hazed patience for all of thirty minutes (some waiting five hours) for a boat to Water Cay, I decided to gallon the Plata and have a good time with the housemates and guests, capping off the evening with a plethora of good music and a dashing of the OC. So no Sunjam for me (bit gutted) but I still had a good time.

The quiz night at UDC saw the Utila Dive Centrefolds come in a place not worth mentioning, but it was not without good laughing, D-9 marvelling (by Simon) and great tacos from Will – masterful.

So now i reside with 'which-planet-are-you-on-today' Fearghas, who leaves us in body in a few days. As for myself, well I've got about a week left here, so I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. I'm sure Liz, and the boys, of course, can help me out there :)

The boys having a good one as usual.

Love at first sight! Gustavo and Nicole share a lingering moment at Tranquila.

The lovely lazy Liz. Is this a Suunto advert? Check out the bling bling Mosquito on the wrist there - spicy.

Liz and Lara at the Barracuda bar before the sushi. Let's just say the girls were significantly tastier than the sushi..

The flagship Ulysses and Fishfinder are the two main UD

A sunset consistent with most of the Utilian sunsets, every one as relaxing as the one before.

Helen's really a swat, reading up extensively on her physiology exam. What's a pneumothorax again mate?

The a b s o l u t e l y picturesque setting of where I've spent six weeks working. Steve and Hernan take a romantic stroll down the UDC dock.

Ah Seven Seas, what great baleadas you have..

Nothing like a pose with the UDC mates.

Scuba Steve tirelessly serves drinks to the quiz kids - check out the stylish uniform. Szechshual.

Shylo, you smell.

Oooo it's getting tense at Quiz Night.. lots of conferring between the boys.

Course Director Thomas and Suzie pose a couple of days before their big wedding day at Bando Beach. It all went well I hear, so many congratulations.

Simon FINALLY got his D-9 dive computer. We were wondering if it could help us with the quiz questions - what do you think, Si? Go on ask it what the answer to number 13 is. Go on, do it.

Yamil, are you a monkey?

Bermuda had a thing for kissing people that night. Maybe it was the influences of the sex instructor..

Que tal, Will? OK man! Will brings his institution (tacos) to the UDC dock. What a great idea.

UDC Quiz Night - but what's this? Sam can't drink any beer? Boohoo, and he knows it. Chris looks awfully consoling as well.

Claire and Alison haunt me for the fourth time on our respective years out. This is just before we properly sort out some food at RJs - Claire had the lobster of course.

Daniel's never seen a camera before, evidently. Sujana and Susanne know what's going on a little bit more. And Nir in the background with his fantastic 'Buenos f***ing Aires' tshirt - top stuff.

Videography Dan chilling with the ladies on the Coco dance floor. Could do a lot with two Swedes called Maria and a ski instructor names Ruth.

Myself and the self-proclaimed 'cute' Helen. Though I do agree with her. Mwah.

Jules tries a Johawk mohawk... and fails. Sorta. 10 for effort though darling.

Jungle James never fails to impress. We can cover him in sand but can't prize that Salva from his hands..

Alfred and Tatiana at their place for the WWE main event - Alfred goes absolutely mad for wrestling, it's great.

Fearghas always seems to put his head in after many many beers - a nightly occurrance.

Kiss him, he's Irish.

Who's that guy with the s l i c k haircut?

The lovely Canadiens, since departed (only Utila, don't worry they're alive) and the even lovlier Shonagh enjoy a quiet drink at Tranquila.

UTILA THRILLAS! Give it up for the local trio.

In the Navy.... the Honduran sailor boys oversaw the coronation of the hot girls.

One of the Honduran lovelies poses for the camera. The girl in the back is nice, too.

Cuz It's You-Tih-Lahh!

Think of Michael Jackson's tune featuring the longest and craziest music video ever made, and couple it with the name of the island I'm currently residing in: Utila. It's easy to see that “Thriller” could be put to some serious Caribbean use if we were to change a few words here and there. We'd have a Utilian anthem I reckon.

Since I've been somewhat absent and lazy in my updates of late, there are a few things that need to be mentioned from the happenings of this lovely July in Honduras. Indeed the best place to start is the flight to San Pedro Sula from Miami, on which I sat next to a Honduran named Luis who was with his mother and daughter. To cut a long story short, Luis offered to put me up in a local hotel and stay the evening with his family in San Pedro before I made for La Ceiba the next day. Such generosity is something I have not been afforded in ten months of travel and I was very grateful for his hospitality and help with my first couple of days in his country - thanks Luis!

My first few days in Utila were spent at the Mango Inn, a lovely resort style setup where I was to settle and make new friends, discuss at length and in depth the shortcomings of the current American government, and eat good pizza. It was time to move on, however, once I had finished my Rescue Diver course and move in with a couple of Canadian guys I met on the ferry over here - Matt and Ryan. You'll be seeing a lot of pictures of them don't you worry.

So it was time to start my Divemaster course at the Utila Dive Centre, but unfortunately a minor diving injury kept me off scuba for about a week and a half, giving me time to complete lovely exams and the like. Matt and Ryan have a friend, Chris, at the Underwater Vision dive shop neighbouring - and rivalling - UDC. Ah, the Utilian dive shop politics..

Most days here are spent diving in the day followed by a visit to the two big pier-style bars here: Coco Loco and Tranquila. We've had some big nights there and they're always worth a look-in on the way home, since Utila is a small and communal island it's often you'll meet some of your mates for a drink, or two. In fact one of Utila's three lies is ‘I'm only having one tonight' - never happens. That's in addition to ‘I'm leaving tomorrow' - it's an easy island to lose yourself in for weeks, months, and sometimes years. And ‘I love you' - of course you do, sunshine. Don't say you weren't warned!

As Peter Kay puts it, there is definitely a new tasty sensation here, called baleadas. Essentially they are made of refried beans, cheese and rings of pickled onion housed neatly in a soft taco. And for 7 lempira (about 22p) you can't go wrong. We have a tally in our house between the boys and I'm currently in the lead with forty three since I've been here. Respect.

We've had a few big events since being here, the first being Utila's Full Moon Party. This was the same day I also decided - with help of friends - to don another Mohawk, which I'm still sporting. The haircut was all the sweeter when I turned up with people not recognising me with my hideous barnet. Needless to say it was a fantastic night and morning with G's top fire shows, a mauling by sandflies and a quick morning swim in the beach to cap it all off.
The ‘Utila Carnaval' kicked off last week, from which time the island comes to life at night with street parties and late night baleada stands. It started with the coronation and selection of Honduran beauties, such as Miss Utila and Miss Honduras 2005 - it was spicy. Although we did find ourselves singing along to Celine Dion; a little unnerving in retrospect.

Alfred, a local instructor at Underwater Vision, had a ‘wrestling party' at his place. With his gigantic speakers and mammoth sound system, he entertained a lot of people who weren't particularly interested - and he's the first to admit it - in WWF or WWE or whatever, with his amazing enthusiasm for the whole spectacle.

So apart from the partying and goings out, the diving is also spectacular and the people at UDC are great. I've been thoroughly enjoying myself over the past three-and-a-bit weeks at the shop and on the boats. I've seen loads of cool fish whose names I can never recall, I've dived wrecks on enriched air, I've mapped dive sites, I've assisted instructors in classes, and carried dozens of sodding oxygen tanks. It's been a good laugh so far and I'm sure my last month in Utila - and my penultimate stop on my year of travelling - will be great while I'm here, savoured as I'm leaving and remembered once I've left.

This is where I reside with Matt and Ryan, a pretty big house in a nice part of town. Can't go wrong really. Well, the Canadians did - this is their fifth house, but they did well with this one.

Utila by day has gorgeous beaches - this is Chepe's, probably second in terms of beauty to Bando. So, yes, it actually gets better than this.

Baleadas are our staple diet here - the boys love 'em. Top right shows we actually call them Baladegas,

My house!

Dive staff Tammy and Jimmy at Underwater Vision. I love your Caribbean accent, Tammy!

'Jungle' James making himself known on camera. This Irish lad has walked the circumference of this island and has crazy dancing - good guy to take out with you in the evening.

The Chestys were out for the full moon party - a good night on Utila's Bando Beach.

Hernan, UDC Instructor. First person I helped out on an Open Water course, and a top guy.

The very local Coco Loco - fantastic bar on an old pier.

C H E S T Y

Here's some art for you kids, check out the dynamics of this amazing shot. As Georgia ponders life toking on a cigarette, Ryan is shuffling madly around in the background. Genius photography.

Chris, the guy responsible for shaving my head into a mohawk. Cheers bro.

The Canadian Boys @ our house. Or hooose, as they would say..

There's Ryan (left) sporting his Kraut Krusher, he loves it.

Instructor at UDC Guillermo and Sylvia give it some on the fire shows at Coco's.

Myself, Nynke, Zoe and - if you look close enough at my eyes - a mask squeeze. Nice.

The lovely Zoe and I at Coco Loco. Let me tell you now it's very rare to get a picture of Zoe not pulling a ridiculous face. Silly girl.

Utila's Mango Inn, a lovely place to chill out. Where I stayed while I was on my Rescue Diver course.

Peru

Since New Zealand it's been a now well-worn routine of putting bags down, hanging around for a while, and then taking around three planes to the next place with all these route and airline restrictions. Leaving Brazil was no exception. Rio - Sao Paulo - Santiago - Lima. Sigh. Does wonders for the frequent flyer miles though.

It wasn't all plain sailing in Peru. After my ride hadn't showed up thirty minutes after we agreed, with grubby and shady looking touts pestering me in ceaseless fashion, I teamed up with two other lost-looking gringos for a taxi ride to 'nearby' Miraflores. Now a journey to the Lima suburb shouldn't take longer then 25 minutes, but of course our taxi driver had no idea where our hostel was. So after a comprehensive tour of Miraflores, asking nearby security guards for what seemed to be conflicting directions from what guard to the next, and about 70 minutes later, we were at the Inka Lodge. And what a lovely hostel it is.

It still wasn't all good though. I must have picked up a bug somewhere along the way but it hit me in Peru, some sort of chest infection and what my father after email consultation loving described as Frank conjunctivitis - the one where you get loads of sleep to keep your eyes shut when you wake up; not very nice. So my first few days were spent 'Peru'sing the streets of Miraflores but since I was feeling 'Peru'ly, not much else. Which was fine, I needed some time off the silly evenings and early afternoon wake-ups.

The pseudoephedrine based drug at the local pharmacist was extortionate for a nasal decongestant, so I settled on the Dad-supplied azithromycin based antibiotic Zithromax and some Framycort eye drops containing nonthing less than Framicetin Sulphate to sort the eye infection out. Just incase you wanted to know. I'm feeling better (thank you for wishing me better subconsciously) still a bit of a cold to kick. Mustn't grumble, mind.

The pictures below will better describe Cuzco and Machu Picchu. What I will say is that Cuzco was much more than I had expected - it is a pretty town-come-city where I spent a full day trying to get a train ticket to Aguas Calientes, finally succeeding. It's also a place where you can eat great food for nothing and go shopping mad.

As for Machu Picchu, well, I had initially felt deflated that I had not enough time for the Inca Trail, and I still do, believe me. Mind you, I would have been in no decent state to tackle the hike, I don't think. But nevertheless, I thought the old Inca City was a work of art and of genius - a true spectacle. New 7 Wonders - www.n7w.com - puts it in their list, I suppose I would too. What I will say is those Incas were pretty fit; walking up and down at altitude sucks. But it was certainly a befitting way to spend one's last days in Peru and I'm certainly looking forward to the scuba diving - the date of going to Honduras on my ticket is actually here! Let's hope I don't get seasick and make a fool of myself all the time.

I spent a few ill days recovering from some weird bug at the Inka Lodge. It's advertised as a hostel but definitely is in the hotel category for decor and cleanliness - puts places like Mellow Yellow to shame (but doesn't have its party atmosphere - can't have it all!) Of course Beth and Ben helped me on leaps and bounds in getting over my poorliness with stories of Fuddruckers owner and friends shooting grouse.

Pictures in to compete with this for the world's biggest McDonalds, please.

Miraflores is an affluent part of Lima, dotted with parks and side streets with upmarket cafes and restaurants.

Lima's coastline has random patches of green, as if it were a culture grown in a petri dish. If the weather weren't so grey it would actually look pretty nice.

Ben, don't fall down the weird spiral staircase cut into the mountainside to serve as the best pedestrian way to get from the beach to the mall at the top!

Ben and Beth thought they were good at Air Hockey. That was of course until I schooled them both. I remember a 7-0 here and there?

This statue is on the coast of Miraflores, Lima. Fondly dubbed 'Kisser's Korner' by Ben, this is what many couples simply do - come here to make out.

Another blue sky day in Cuzco. And you can see I quite appreciated it following the smoggy overcast days over in Lima..

Plaza de Armas, Cuzco. A beautiful spot 3500m above sea level, East of Peru. The main gateway town to Machu Picchu has stunning colonialist architecture influenced by the Spanish when they decided to move in.

Machu Picchu in its entirety, most of the structures in the background repaired from their delapidated state upon discovery by a yank in the 1910s. However some of the buildings in the foreground are originals having withstood the test of time.

Machu Picchu has no less than fourteen separate trails leading to its main gate, pilgrims converging from Bolivia to Brazil. Bit of a trek to see some trapezoids. Although I do like a well-shaved garden.

The grand Inca Empire centre, complete with lovely bus station.

Climbing the nearby Waynapicchu mountain affords the tired tramper (me) fantastic views of Machu Picchu carved into a mountainside and the road the Spanish invaders made on the left. No just kidding, that's the bus route.

With such stepped grounds I reckon the Incas would have been top at making wine.

JZ @ MP 2K5

A lone tree in one of Machu Picchu's well-kept gardens - an Englishman would be proud of it if it were their back lawn.

Vids!

I've got mates. One of them, an old mate from uni, owns some of the Internet (!!) That's good for me (and you) because I can put big things like videos on so you can look at them and go 'wow.' Part 1 of my video section has three videos:

1 - A mexican wave from the Chile vs Bolivia football match: http://www.afrotechmods.com/files/endo/100_1233.mov

2 - Kelly Brown taking the plunge on the massive Nevis bungy jump: http://www.afrotechmods.com/files/endo/CIMG1464.AVI

3 - Roberto Carlos scoring a classic free kick in their loss against Argentina: http://www.afrotechmods.com/files/endo/DSCF0044.AVI

They're quite big so give them some time to download, they're worth the wait, so enjoy, kids. And when you're watching, make sure you say "Thanks, Ant! I'll send you some cats for letting Joe use your webspace."

Now I'm off to plan my next few days in Peru and figure out how I'm going to see Machu Picchu in the little time I have in what I have found in short time to be a lovely country.

Party nights in Rio, relaxing days on Ilha Grande..

I'll start this piece with an apology brought on simply by my mispreparation and stupidity: I didn't charge my camera when I left Rio and left the charger in storage at the hostel. Nice one Joe, now there's no pictures of the beautiful Ilha Grande and its amazing Lopes Mendes beach. Hopefully you good Samaritans who did manage a few shots will be good enough to send some over.

Since popping up to see Christ, we've done a couple of things worthy of mention over in Rio de Janeiro. The first being a street party in Lapa, a district of RJ. Wow, what an atmosphere; it is here on Fridays where youths congregate, drink caipirinhas, play bongos and chill out in their hundreds at least. Any of you familiar with the Snoop Dogg video with the huge staircase of Rio steps? Well we chilled out on those very ones, as it was filmed in Lapa. Great night out with minimal dramas, one comic one involving Anna insisting she felt fine about thirty short seconds before throwing up onto a wall - great stuff.

Between visiting the amazing Post Nine on Ipanema beach, feasting at all you can eat restaurants for about four pounds, and chilling out in the Mellow Yellow spa, not much else was really done. Sunday however took us to a favela. I'm sure some of you have watched 'The City of God' - the club at the end of the film is where we got to visit and boogie on down to raw hip hop and Brazilian tunes. That, coupled with Opera Bay in Argentina, have easily been the best nights out in South America and are up there with the best since I left England last September.

Deciding to take it easy for a few days, I teamed up with California Aaron and Manhattan Laura to pop down to Ilha Grande, an island South-West of Rio. After the rain subsided for our second day there, we trekked to Lopes Mendes, which is perhaps the most breathtaking beach I have seen, certainly ranking high with the Thai beaches in the Gulf, if not better. You would have to ask someone who has been to the Andaman coast of Thailand to see if they had a preference to those beaches or its Brazilian counterpart. Lopes Mendes was the definite highlight of a relaxing few days.

One funny story from there involves (to nobody's real suprise) young Shane S. Campbell from Bath strolling into our room like he owned the place to nip to the loo. After I had sternly told the intruder to bugger off (before I recognised him..) he took a walk in the pouring rain, ended up in a bush to the best of my knowledge before being taken in by a local family for food and some restbite. You never fail to impress, Shane.

Spending my last few hours in Santiago is my current occupation, and I will be heading to my last country in South America, Peru, where I will hopefully end up doing some sort of hiking, get to Cuzco and then head over to Honduras for the final leg of my journey. And as Porky Pig would say, if he were real and could speak, after Central America and a couple days in New York: "Th-th-tha-th-tha-tha-tha-th-th-th.... That's all, Folks!"

This would be a lovely picture of myself and Elise - well it is, actually. Except for that idiot gesturing some rather poor donkey ears.

Marazin's - a cosy r'n'b club with a lot of locals and top gringo dancing. Come on you white people, tear it up.

Enough Pisco Sour and you could mistake him for Usher (maybe a bit heh). Lloyd is mates with the other US Army guys, top American boys.

The lovely ladies, if only Irish wouldn't drink so much!

Laura's not so sure, hmm....

Laura and Lloyd, our Rio New Yorkers having a laugh in the club, before the moves come out..

I'm still not a member of Bath club just yet, and they remind me of it. Boohoo. Paul seems to think it's hilarious.

It's the Bath Boys! These four have finished their undergraduate degree at Bath's Management school, where I'm going to do my postgrad. in September, so we're all Bath boys, really.

Caiprinhas make for a good night out (as I was once told..)

Ah Eve, friendly Mellow Yellow reception staff. Thanks for the free barbecue, you're a star.

Aaron, Kat and Anna wait in serious anticipation for the all you can eat barbecue. It's serious business, denoted subtly by the water - that's to keep us motoring through.