My last Utilian days... supposedly

We'll get on to the 'supposedly' part in a bit. Let's do a brief rundown of events after snorkel test recovery.

The diving here as I've mentioned has been great, but what we've been missing are dives with fellow staff to have a laugh. So we decided to have one at the Haliburton wreck - at night. It was top fun, not being able to see much in midwater and then perusing around the sunken ship for a bit. Oh and Fearghas showed us his arse down there - more than one full moon that night, let me tell you.

I've also been diving on the resort boat, which goes out in the morning to all the cooler dive sites in Utila. So a few dives to lead - and lose my way in - around the north side have been stunning. If you ever decide to come here, go to Black Hills, it's my favourite dive site bar none.

Simon and Chris were running an Open Water that I got to assist on as an AI, and I made money! It was the usual sitting around and keeping a hawk's eye on the diving peons, but the last dive saw me have my air turned off by an instructor, and then tied to a buoy chain and be laughed at by the whole class.

Since Fearghas, Ryan and myself were all leaving around the same time, I thought we'd have a bit of a barbecue at UDC. Stars Errol and Travis picked up the food, got it all cut up and marinated, and cooked it. Pretty much the whole lot: fifteen chickens and ten pounds of fish. It was a big one, and about fifty people turned up - although some impatient ones complained about the food taking too long to cook. Wait until the barbecue master is good and ready I say.

So it was time to say bye to a few people, Ferg and Ryan both having good sendoffs. I myself had a top goodbye: two amazing dives with the lovely Liz in the morning, followed by a quite spectacular r o a s t d i n n n e r (mmmm..) cooked by Sam and Ruth. It would surely only follow that I was to leave the next day...

..and I did. And all was well with the 'close shave' timing getting from Utila to San Pedro Sula, but my flight to Miami was cancelled.... and I couldn't get on a flight to The States for six days. "Six days?" I said - "you've got to be f***ing kidding." I've never heard of something so ridiculous. And I stand firmly by my belief that American Airlines could be the shittest airline in the world, with the globe's worst customer service. so AA: get rammed.

It's not all bad I suppose. I'm in La Ceiba airport at the moment wating for my flight to.. yep, Utila. So I'm back there and not due back home for another week, having to forfeit my time in New York, but I'm about ready to head home, so it'll be just great to spend my last days in a place I've grown to like so much.

Oh yea and I've shaved my head. No more mohawk.

Ruthie!

Dan, our videographer, after getting in a bit of a fight. Doesn't look like he came off too bad after taking one on the chin. Resillience.

Yamil can never make a normal face, and Roy sports Helen's sunglasses.

Nir made a muscle top out of his staff t-shirt - everyone else's are relatively look, but not this big man's.

Look at him pimping the girls out..

A great t-shirt, custom made - one of Utila's "three lies" - because people always come back or just don't leave (like me..)

A boat captain and two compressor operators - the welfare of our divers are in these three guys' hands..

Errol fires it up, and uses a compressed air tank to get the fire going - classic.

That is my hand holding my tips for the night. Looks like I'm rich but the Lempira is worth bugger all.

Freg's obviously come up with another cool idea! And Daniel looks to be agreeing with him..

UDC crew stop for a bit of a pose - Liz looking spicy of course. And Ferg looking, well, Fergy.

Errol had had way too many Port Royals at Chris' birthday - cool tattoo though.

Sam really loves his salvas.

The boys Errol and Tungi chill out before the big bbq.

Helen and Sylvia, just a couple of the hot girl contingent in Utila.

The place I did a lot of dives and spent a lot of money with - UDC reception.

Simon l o v e s the equipment room - I'll have a small BCD, four regs, 9-11 fins... cheers mate.

I was lovin' the night dive, but Concha (bottom left) looks a bit bored..

The 'full moon' culprit undoes his regulator. Nice arse mate.

Dance, Sam. Do it.

Daniel is the only guy I know who puts his kit on when the tank is on the floor - silly Israelis.

John checks his weights in the equipment room. Where are the full tanks?

The Snorkel Test

So as I noted in my last post, I'm now a PADI Assistant Instructor. Scuba Steve is now an AI also, and Fearghas & Ryan finished their DM courses as well (well, nearly) - so we decided to have a 'snorkel test' - where people posion you with whatever they can and throw it down the snorkel. The object of the whole thing is to drink all of it through the snorkel mouthpiece and have your mask on. It's a great laugh and it was a fantastic night, with pictures (naturally) to boot - take a look!

Even though these shots are so easy to take, they always come out stunning. This is a shot of Utila bay from Underwater Vision's dock. Spicy silhouettes.

Did you steal my flip-flops, bitch?

Bangin' tunes at Cocos and glowsticks made for a top evening and cool swirly effects. 16th August 2005 will be remembered for a long time by a few of us!

Look! Helen's stealing money from the bar! I reckon Nir is in on it as well - he looks interested. Oh and there's Ryan and the ladies (surprise surprise.)

Jess Davis and Chris Brady try and enjoy a quiet chat in some alcove until an overexcited Joe comes and orders them to smile at my camera. Thanks you two.

Woohoo it's Robert Drew! The instigator and dividend collector of the snorkel test - we salute you for your assertiveness, forward thinking, supervising of the poisons, and for being an arsehole.

Simon! Never without his D-9 dive computer (actually NOT in the picture) or his elephant taped lighter - great idea for those smelly smokers.

The Boys: Post-Snorkel and still going. Fearghas looks particularly chirpy there..

We had one hell of a crowd at UDC for our snorkel test, it was great. Everyone watched us four make absolute fools out of ourselves - great toilet entertainment for the masses. (Come and dive at UDC)

s c u b a s t e v e ! DO IT.

Ryan, you ready for it big man?

Ferg dons the mask but refuses to remove his rather sexy glasses. Bobmaster initiates the snorkel flood. He'll soon be imbibing a lot..

Is that all you've got? More coke! More water! Ahem.

What do you reckon, girls? Maybe I should do some more bikini modelling.

Ah, the snorkel boys - give it up for the new DMs and AIs

Maybe she's thirsty?

...and Shylo takes offence: 'blown out' of all proportion. Get it?

Uh-oh, the 'special guest' for the snorkel test is here...

Helen poses at the UDC bar. Another bling bling Mosquito on her wrist.

Liz has a small problem with the frothy fizz. Simon thought he could use his instructing skills to maximum effect: "Put it in your mouth!" he shouts.

The evening starts off conservatively...

who's your PADI daddy?

It's been emotional UDC, and it's been expensive PADI, but last week I finished my Divemaster course, yay! AND... today I was certified as an Assitant Instructor - woohoo! Tonight we're off to the Jungle Cafe to celebate. I've only got one more thing to do before I 'unofficially' graduate: the infamous Snorkel Test. I'll tell you all about once it's done.

I've been thinking about what I'll do with this whole diving business, and I've come up with something. I'd love to work in Egypt, perhaps somewhere like Sharm el Sheik, Dahab or Hurghada. It would give me time to practice my failing Arabic skills and to spend some real time in a place I could call home. We'll see how things go over the next year, but for now, three cheers for completing my DM and AI please.

OWSI? MSDT? IDC SI? Insha'allah.

the mohawk takes shape and the days get interesting

the mohawk takes shape and the days get interesting


So the last two or three weeks have been eventful. Let's start from the beginning.

Every year Utila hold two main events: Carnaval - at the end of July - and Sunjam, falling this year on my brother's birthday. Carnaval started off by crowning some tasty ladies, notably Miss Utila and Miss Honduras 2005. It's fair to say they're tastier than Mamita's baleadas. We also had a top showing and performance from the local heart throbs, the Utila Thrillas. "Thrillas 'till I die, mother trucker." People thought they were so good, the UT did the same tune three times to endless elation and rapture from the captiated Utilians - it was priceless.

Speaking of locals, there are a couple of rare breeds. One to note is Alfred, an instructor at Underwater Vision who has a never feigning passion for Wrestling. I popped over with the Canadiens Matt and Ryan for a spot of gumbo soup and a proper WWF or WWE or whatever extravaganza played through ridiculous ear-bleeding speakers. Alfred was on top of his game absolutely loving it and I was sat back in awe of his enthusiasm and his ability to predict when someone was properly going to lay the smackdown on some poor sucker.

Towards the end of the month, well, Utila were 'blessed' with Claire and Alison - I was blessed with sorting the two buggers out with accommodation a week before Sunjam. Only kidding girls! Alison, initially unsure of this whole scuba diving malarky, eventually got her head down and never looked like she was gasping for air - so to speak. I was so proud of her, swimming like a pro towards the end of her Open Water course. As for Claire, well, predictably she took it all in her feminine stride and proceeded to clean out the Advanced OW with panache and finesse. Well done to both of you!

Of course the girls rewarded themselves almost nightly by chilling out with Johawk (Joe + mohawk = Johawk) and eating phenomenal food at RJ's. It was time for them to leave after Sunjam, but not after a little 'drama' if I recall correctly? Naturally that means my missing the boat to the party.

Yes, there was no showboating, or any kind of boating, for me on the 6th August. After testing my hazed patience for all of thirty minutes (some waiting five hours) for a boat to Water Cay, I decided to gallon the Plata and have a good time with the housemates and guests, capping off the evening with a plethora of good music and a dashing of the OC. So no Sunjam for me (bit gutted) but I still had a good time.

The quiz night at UDC saw the Utila Dive Centrefolds come in a place not worth mentioning, but it was not without good laughing, D-9 marvelling (by Simon) and great tacos from Will – masterful.

So now i reside with 'which-planet-are-you-on-today' Fearghas, who leaves us in body in a few days. As for myself, well I've got about a week left here, so I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. I'm sure Liz, and the boys, of course, can help me out there :)

The boys having a good one as usual.

Love at first sight! Gustavo and Nicole share a lingering moment at Tranquila.

The lovely lazy Liz. Is this a Suunto advert? Check out the bling bling Mosquito on the wrist there - spicy.

Liz and Lara at the Barracuda bar before the sushi. Let's just say the girls were significantly tastier than the sushi..

The flagship Ulysses and Fishfinder are the two main UD

A sunset consistent with most of the Utilian sunsets, every one as relaxing as the one before.

Helen's really a swat, reading up extensively on her physiology exam. What's a pneumothorax again mate?